•It's Time

I'm on the brink of a life changing decision. This new year holds so much promise and the excitement of what is to come. We are at the height of winter and when I would most expect sleepy hibernation of my dreams, I find the snow-capped landscape in the bright sunlight shine a new light a new direction. The school district for which I work has denied my request for a sabbatical- my safety net. When I devised this plan, I had committed to myself that if denied, I would retire. The time has come. It is time to show up and be who I have dared to dream I would be.

Yesterday, I sat in front of

the fire under a moon so full to just be with this decision. The early morning quiet always provides that space for serenity and reflection. I did my best to just be with this decision and my possible fears. In all honesty, for thirty years, I have loved what my vocation has been. I am a teacher. I have never had to go to work. I have been able to get up and go do what I love. It has taken me those thirty years to have earned my present salary. I think this may be the most significant fear I have –to walk away from what I have earned. But, I have also earned a loving and committed relationship. I am in love with a man who will support me financially, spiritually and emotionally. I have a beautiful space to live, in fact, I have two beautiful spaces to live. We will retreat to the lake house and give up the river house. Finally, I trust in the universe to bring an answer to my intentions. For the past six months, I have been saying I am done with the paperwork. I love my teaching and my students with a passion. However, I no longer want to spend my weekends writing reports. It is clear to me that if I work on the weekends or during my evening hours it has to be on something that makes a difference for my students– engaging lessons, reflective exercises–something that promotes their intellectual and soul growth. Under present circumstances, the job requires mountains of paper I can no longer produce.

If I listen to the stirrings of my soul, I recognize the universe is moving me towards the business of bliss. I have long held passions that I have all put on the back burner or extinguished. One day while chatting with Gerard, I said, "I don't have the hours to waste," when explaining why I don't play my guitar. I heard myself, I really heard myself. In my estimation, all my extra hours are to be dedicated to getting my reports done. Plain and simple–hogwash! I will now follow my heart, create a new career, most importantly create. I can still teach, but first I will become a student. Come a year from now, I will be enrolled in massage school in Costa Rica. From this moment until then, I will be about creating. I am in the process of creating the body I want to

inhabit. I have long been less than pleased that I can not move in all the ways I know I am capable. I will create strength, outer and inner. I will create music with words on a page as well as notes on a guitar. I will create the art from nature's remnants I find along my way. I will create the new chapters for my book of life.

~Winter ....is a time to gather golden moments, embark upon a sentimental journey, and enjoy every idle hour. ~John Boswell